Taming self-doubt: don’t trust your feelings

The fastest way to self-sabotage is to believe everything you tell yourself.

I learned this the hard way (and, honestly, I’m still learning). Recently, as I navigated a business funk (read all about it and how I fixed it here), I let a bunch of negative thoughts take over my usually hopeful and optimistic attitude.

It happened slowly… slowly… slowly… until suddenly, I was telling myself my work sucked, my business sucked, I had no time for anything, and I might as well just give up altogether. My habits and rituals changed, and I felt like I was living in the depths of despair (probably a bit dramatic, but hey, I love a good excuse to quote Anne of Green Gables). I threw myself a massive pity-party for one. Even though I was going through the motions in my business, internally, I have to admit…

I stopped trying.

Until I got so sick of hearing myself (in my head)…

Words and Thoughts Hold Power

I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure we all have two voices in our heads.

The first is the very best of you—the pristine, beautiful, untainted, purest form of your best attributes, talents, and intentions. She’s lovely. We like her. Let’s call her Olivia (Newton-John).

The second is like an unkempt, stinky, emotionally abusive downer (probably hangry, too). She exists in all of us. We hate her, but she’s like the resident high school bully—her opinions matter the most to us. Let’s call her Ursula (apologies if your name is Ursula, but I Googled it).

And for some reason, it’s much easier to listen to Ursula. I’m sure there’s a psychological reason behind it (maybe to protect us from our ancestral predators?), but if you’re not careful, Ursula will swallow you up.

Your Own Worst Enemy

I’m part of a beautiful mastermind group via Voxer. The incredibly clever ladies I mix with are achieving high highs in their businesses. It’s inspiring—and sometimes a little intimidating.

As you know, I recently lost my way (or at least I told myself I did). I convinced myself I wasn’t worthy of being part of the group anymore. That my business had already seen its glory days. My peak had come and gone. I even started imagining how I would break the news to them that I was no longer worthy to bask in their epic business smarts.

Now I read that back, and it sounds ridiculous. But this is what happens when you listen to Ursula instead of Olivia!

All it takes is one single negative thought to start an avalanche of self-doubt. Yuck.

The thing is, I knew all of this. You probably know it too. I teach it and preach it.

• “Be careful what you allow into your life.”
• “Protect your heart and your mind.”
• “Input = output.”
• “You are worthy of success.”

But here’s the thing: thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings lead to actions—or, more likely, inaction. So hold those thoughts captive, eradicate their negativity, and replace them with positive affirmations before they start impacting how you’re feeling!

Don’t Sabotage Your Success Before You Even Start

It’s heartbreaking to think how many ideas, God whispers, desires, dreams, and goals have never even had the chance to be born, simply because of one negative thought.

So if you have a brilliant business idea that’s been burning inside you for far too long, or you’ve found yourself in a business funk that’s weakened your defenses against Ursula, here are a few things I’ve found helpful in my recovery and ultimate return to Olivia’s reign in my life.

• Surround yourself with life-giving positivity:

  • Listen to podcasts that feed your soul.
  • Intentionally mix with people who give you good vibes.
  • Listen to positive music.
  • Exercise, for goodness’ sake—we all need those endorphins!

• Trust the evidence of past success:

  • Focus on all the positive results in your business.
  • Keep a folder of lovely feedback, emails, or testimonials to refer back to when Ursula rears her ugly head.
  • Give thanks for every single win, however small.

• Trust in the process of sowing now to reap later—it will come:

  • You’re probably reaping something right now that your heart once ached for.
  • Even if the hard work you’re putting in now isn’t fruitful, it will be.
  • Growth takes time and consistency, and it’s okay to grow sideways or backward sometimes.

• Gratitude—thankfulness for all the things you’re reaping now:

  • I’m not sure where I heard it, but apparently, your brain can’t feel gratitude and anxiety at the same time—they’re literally the same part of the brain. So force yourself to be grateful for something (even if it’s the coffee you had for breakfast—it counts).

• Write a letter to your younger self telling her all the goodness + what’s to come:

  • This is something I like to do when I’m feeling particularly lost—it’s amazing how naturally the gratitude flows through this exercise. Olivia loves it.

Stop the Cycle

If you’ve been putting off something new and amazing or have been feeling discouraged that you’re not seeing progress in your business as quickly as you’d like, this message is for you.

Stop the cycle before it begins. You can’t always control your thoughts, but you can control your actions. And sometimes, taking action without thinking first is exactly what we need to recalibrate and reset our trajectory.

Let me know if this blog was helpful to you! Drop me a line here and tell me all your secrets about how to keep a positive attitude when your thoughts are telling you otherwise.

Rach x